Embracing Self-Compassion: A Path to Healing
I want to talk about something incredibly important yet often overlooked: The art of self-compassion.
In our busy lives, it’s easy to be our own harshest critics, but practicing self-compassion can make a world of difference in our mental well-being.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and support that you would offer to a good friend. It’s about recognising that we all have moments of struggle and that it’s okay to be gentle with ourselves.
What gets in the way of Self Compassion?
Some of us resist self compassion because they confuse it with selfishness or self pity. Some people fear that self compassion will have a negative backlash of becoming self indulgent, self absorbed and out of control. For other people, the idea of engaging in self compassion may trigger a threat response. This is because one of the most common barriers to developing self compassion is our Inner Critic, which originates from our upbringing experience. The inner critic is that critical voice in your head that criticises and judges you, (and others!).
Barriers to self compassion can also include a problematic relationship with yourself. Those of us who have experienced abandonment or neglect growing up will repeat the same abandonment process with our ‘Inner Child’. The Inner Child is that part of our mind that holds implicit memories of childhood experience and makes decisions about our self worth based on the parental messages we get from our parents (intended or out of awareness)
When we experience a dysfunctional parenting relationship, being kind to ourselves can seem new and strange. This can seem like a fear of the unknown. A fear that may stem from being afraid to confront our childhood pain, because at some level we believe that once we do so, we will be engulfed in intolerably difficult emotions.
Practice and persevere with the exercise below and monitor how you feel. Persistent resistance to doing this exercise will indicate some unresolved issues that will require the support of a close and trusted friend or Therapist.
When to practice self compassion
It’s important to practice self compassion routinely, rather than only at times when life becomes stressful. In this way, our self compassion practice routine will have become second nature.
Equally, it’s important to spend more time with self compassion when facing the inevitable life challenges that come our way. As well as times when our Inner Critic appears in our mindset.
How to Practice Self-Compassion:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Take a moment to notice and accept what you’re feeling without judgment. Spend 5 mins focussing on your breathing, if you’re struggling to get grounded.
Talk to Yourself Kindly: Imagine what you would say to a friend in your situation and say those words to yourself.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or simply relaxing, make time for what makes you happy.
A Self-Compassion Exercise:
Write a Self-Compassionate Letter:
Think of a Situation: Reflect on a situation that has been causing you stress or pain.
Write a Letter to Yourself: Address yourself as you would a dear friend. Offer words of comfort, understanding, and encouragement.
Read It Aloud: When you’re finished, read the letter aloud and let the compassionate words sink in.
I recommend exploring your experience by journaling your thoughts and feeling experience, asking yourself questions like:
Have you tried practicing self-compassion before? How was it different this time?
How did it make you feel?
What thoughts came up for you?
Remember, you deserve the same kindness and care that you so freely give to others.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection” - The Buddha
