Is Your Therapy Working?

Therapy isn’t a straight line from pain to progress. It often unfolds  in waves—moments of insight followed by periods of plateau,  stillness, or even apparent regression. If you’ve ever felt stuck in  therapy, circling the same issues or struggling to move forward,  you’re not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong.  In fact, these moments are often where the real work begins.  

Behind the scenes of stagnation, something important is taking  place: a subtle, internal resistance to change. Far from being a  flaw, this resistance is a powerful form of self-protection. To truly  understand it—and begin to move through it—we need to explore  two deeply influential parts of the psyche: the inner child and the  inner critic.  

What Is Resistance in Therapy?  

Resistance is the unconscious pushback we experience when deep  emotional work starts to challenge our internal status quo. It can  look like:  

• Avoiding sessions or cancelling at the last minute  • Getting stuck in “story” instead of connecting with emotion  • Minimising our pain or dismissing breakthroughs  • Feeling overly tired, foggy, or disconnected in sessions  

These are not signs of failure. They’re often signs that a part of  you feels threatened by the idea of change—even change that  promises healing.  

Meet the Inner Child 

The inner child holds our earliest emotional memories. It’s the part  of us that felt joy, wonder, fear, shame, and longing before we had  adult defenses in place.  

When a child’s emotional needs for safety, validation, or affection  are unmet, they internalise those experiences: “I’m too much,” “I  don’t matter,” or “Love has to be earned.” These beliefs can stay  with us long after the original wounds have faded from conscious  memory.  

In therapy, when we begin to access those vulnerable emotional  layers, the inner child can feel exposed. The adult part of us might  know it’s safe to feel—but the inner child may panic. Old  emotions flood in. And resistance rises as a way of saying: “I can’t  go there. It’s too much.”  

Enter the Inner Critic  

Just as the inner child carries our emotional truth, the inner critic  carries the rules we internalised to survive.  

It’s the voice that says:  

• “Don’t cry—it’s weak.”  • “Don’t trust—you’ll get hurt.”  • “You’re not doing this right.”  

The critique formed in response to our early environments—parents,  teachers, society—and aims to keep us safe by keeping us in line.  But in adulthood, this voice often becomes cruel, rigid, and  punitive.  In therapy, the critic resists change because it fears what will  happen if the inner child is allowed to express itself. If  vulnerability was dangerous in the past, the critic will try to  suppress it now—even at the cost of healing. 

The Inner Battle: Child vs. Critic  

Often, therapy gets “stuck” because the inner child and inner critic  are locked in a silent war:  

• The inner child wants to be seen, heard, and soothed.  • The inner critic says, “Stop whining. You’re embarrassing.”  

When this internal tug-of-war dominates, it can be hard for new  insights to land. The child shuts down. The critic tightens control.  And resistance becomes the bodyguard standing at the gates of  transformation.  

Why Change Can Feel So Dangerous  

Even positive change disrupts what’s familiar. If we’ve built our  personality and coping mechanisms around avoiding pain, then  emotional openness—though healing—can feel profoundly  unsafe.  

Neuroscience shows us that the brain often interprets change as a  threat. Old neural pathways tied to survival are triggered, and fear  or anxiety may arise in the body. This is why the resistance isn’t  just mental—it’s emotional, physiological, and deeply protective.  

How We Work With Resistance  

The key is compassion over confrontation. Resistance isn’t  something to bulldoze through—it’s something to gently befriend.  

In my work with clients, we explore questions like:  • What is your resistance trying to protect?  

• What does your inner child fear at this moment?  

• What role is the critic playing right now?  

• What would it take for safety to return? 

This isn’t about pushing through resistance, but about listening to  it—understanding its function, its fears, and what it’s trying to  preserve.  

Cultivating the Inner Adult  

The long-term goal of therapy is to build a wise and grounded  inner adult or an inner nurturing parent —a part of you that can  offer reassurance to the inner child and boundaries to the inner  critic.  

The inner nurturing adult says:  

• To the child: “You’re safe now. I’m here.”  

• To the critic: “Thank you for protecting me, but I’m in charge  now.”  

With practice, the inner adult becomes the compassionate leader  of the psyche—allowing space for emotion without overwhelm,  and for change without fear.  

Final Thoughts  

If you feel like you’re not making progress in therapy, know this:  resistance is not the enemy. It’s a signal. A doorway. An invitation  to meet the parts of yourself that have been working hard, behind  the scenes, to keep you safe.  

When we honour the inner child’s fears and the inner critic’s  concerns, we begin to integrate—not just change. Therapy  becomes more than a process of fixing—it becomes a process of  reuniting with yourself.  

And that is where true healing begins.  

Want to go deeper? 

If you’re navigating resistance in your own therapy or personal  growth journey, and would like support in understanding these  inner dynamics, feel free to reach out. Whether you’re working through these themes for the first time or exploring them on a  deeper level, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to do it alone.